Teach My Ass - Review |
 |
“Teens Lose Anal Virginity at My Lessons!” screams the oddly worded tagline for Teach My Ass. But teach my ass what? Whose ass? Certainly not mine! Things come out of my bunghole; nothing is going in. That’s not the case at TMA. According to the site, these 18 and 19 year old nubile honies are taking it up the wazoo for the very first time, hence the word “virgin” in the title. I have my doubts about the anal virginity of some of these babes. The cameraman in question (all the movies are shot in Point of View – POV) sticks hit fat cock and other similarly large objects up their Hershey highways. There is no way this is their first time, unless their bungholes were shot full of Novocain to ease the anal pain. If you can suspend disbelief for a few hours or so, this site will cater to your inner anal virgin.
With your paid membership, you are granted access to the following bonus sites: Girls Got Cream, White Teens Black Cocks, Try Teens, Teens Go Porn, We Need New Talents and Teen Core Zine.
 |
Under the feeble guise that these chicks want their “guidance counselor” to trounce on their anal butt holes, they visit the staff room and end up getting stuffed up the ass for the very first time. Like we mentioned above, the gaping hole the cameraman makes with these models’ bungholes is way too large to be their very first time, but it’s fun to dream about it.
The site is cut and dry and has the minimal of links: Pics, Video, Support and Main Page, the latter takes you right to where you are right now. There’s no Bonus Page, per say, as the bonus content is directly at the bottom of the page containing the sites mentioned in the Quick Overview above.
There’s no indication as to when the last update took place or to how often these updates take place, and that clearly sucks. When you’re asked to spring 30 bucks a month for a site, you want to know when and how often the site is going to update. Perhaps the webmasters (or the resident “guidance counselor”) can look into that.
On the main page, you are greeted with thumbnails and links to picture galleries and video shoots of the models in question. Rachel, a 19 year old nymphet drew my attention with this accompanying blurb:
Since this was Rachel's first time getting her asshole stretched apart, she asked me if I could take it nice and slow. Of course, Dear Rachel, I always do! The girls all love when I spread them with the speculum and Rachel was no exception. Then I whipped out the glass dildo and stuffed it into her tiny asshole! However when it came time to fuck her in the ass, Rachel insisted on natural anal lube by sucking my cock first!
If you watch the flick, you know it can’t possibly be her first time. Her ass gets stretched to the extreme. She must have been loaded with pain killers if it’s really her virgin ass.
Some of these chicks look a little younger than their teenage years. Regan, for example, with her pig tails and tiny little breasts could get us in trouble or you if you end up fucking her:
Regan's first anal experience was a wild one! This 18 years old cutie came into my office wanting to expand her sexual horizons, so to speak when she asked me to fuck her in the ass! So I told her first I must stretch it out with my medical speculum. I examined the situation with a flashlight and then stuck my fingers deep in her tight butt before shoving my dick up inside her anal cavity. She loved the new experience!
I’m guessing if you’re going to be using a speculum (twice in as many video shoots) you better use the correct wordage: anal cavity. Now who the fuck speaks like that? I guess if you’re the lucky “guidance counselor” doing the anal de-virginizing, you get to use whatever language you want. Lucky fucker!
In all, there were seven pages featuring four models per page. All of them seemed exclusive, as I have never seen anyone of them before. Then again, this shit BETTER be exclusive if the site is touting them as anal virgins. If they show up on another anal virgin site, there will be hell to pay!
Click on Stills and you are given access to some of the models live shoots in “still” form. It’s what we in the industry like to call “vidcaps”. The original pictures measure in at 500X400. For each model, there are about 50 stills per set. In the Pic section, you are greeted to a bigger and better quality picture at 1200X900. Only a handful of models have this higher pixilation option. All are downloadable. Unfortunately, you have to do so one by one, as there is no Zip file.
The Video section is the highlight of the site. I always opt for dynamic action rather than static pictures. As of this review (January 6th, 2006) there were 28 different video shoots. All flicks are presented in WMV format and allow you to either stream the flicks in Dial Up, DSL 256k or 512k and the ever clever “large screen for broadband”. The larger the video, the more it’s going to steal room from your hard drive. But looking at some of these sweeties, you would do best to avoid anything to do with dial up and streaming. Most of the videos are chopped up into segments lasting between four and seven minutes apiece. The first movie is the interview of the intro, and then the chick gets naked, gets fucked, gets reamed then gets jizzed on. I wouldn’t have it any other way. I would, however, enjoy the option of downloading the entire movie in one fell swoop. Some have this option; others don’t. Make them available for all. I hate using an mpeg or avi joiner. That shit takes forever to complete.
Conclusion
As much as I would love to believe these beautiful, nubile honies are in fact anal virgins, I can’t. Suspending my disbelief can only take me so far. These babes get their sphincters stretched so fucking wide, there is no way possible it’s their very first time. But, if it is, kudos to the models and the POV cameraman doing the shooting and shooting. I used to be a teacher, but I taught English. What I wouldn’t do to be able to teach these young teens the pleasures of the poop chute.
Price: $29.95 for 30 days; $59.95 for 90 days.
Top reviewed sites
